


pillow talking with ghosts

by eraserheadbaby



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Arguing, Awkward Conversations, F/M, Pre-Canon, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), dimitri is a Fucking Creep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:48:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22792771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eraserheadbaby/pseuds/eraserheadbaby
Summary: Of course, of course he is worried, why is that even up for discussion? It's just that, if you dug this worry deep enough, you'd find a misplaced, excited fuss – a hope that Edelgard's moment of weakness could restart the gears between them, that remained static in those years of childish innocence.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Edelgard von Hresvelg
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	pillow talking with ghosts

It's a simple dagger, really, if not a simplistic one. The blade is long and well polished, but not with enough luster to make it stand out. The handle is practical, delicately crafted, but little more than that. 

Dimitri, like all those years ago, can't stop his chagrin over this old, unfortunate choice of a gift. But he also remembers eyeing the blade as it glowed in the tunneled dark underneath his childish sheets, and feeling his heart beat in an assured rhythm, as if to give him enough courage to finally get out of bed and give this goodbye gift where it belonged.

After all, a dagger that can move his eyes away from the sight next to him now must be at least worth something.

His eyes are begging to turn and drink in more of the sleeping form amongst the anemic sheets. Usually steady on her feet and with a sharpened face, now loose and placid in her recuperating sleep. White tufts sail across the pillow, melting with it like the wax on a burning candle. The rise and fall of a steady breath puts that slender chest in easy motion, and he wants to let the calm wash him away too.

It's not unlike a dream, seeing Edelgard like this. So serene - like she would languidly wake up and wish him a sweet good morning. Like she would meekly open her eyes and surrender herself to his protection. Like she wouldn't realize it if he took the dagger and shoved it in the back of her head.

The red cape draped over the edge of the bed is a nuisance in his line of sight, such a contrast to his heavy blue, a reminder of the barricades he has to pull on himself. He forces his eyes to the knife again - though he knows it's a dubious distraction, one that will very likely waltz him right back on the ceaseless circle he's trying to escape.

"... Dimitri?"

The voice calling out his name is a familiar one. A foreign one.

One that etches his line of thought with such frequency that it takes him a while to realize the words didn't echo through his own head.

Hurried, he puts the dagger back on the bedside table.

"Edelgard...". Awkwardness lets the name stew in the sterile air of the infirmary for a while. "... You're awake. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. I'm sorry for putting you in this uncomfortable position, though. You... really didn't have to wait, you know."

El almost never asked for help - even back then. In her few times of need, though, she would never apologize like this. Not to Dimitri. Such trivial, routine words had no place between them.

Why does he have to hear them now? Dimitri can feel something ugly spring from the depths of his chest. Maybe remembering why he's here in the first place will help him squash it before it hatches.

"But you fainted during training. It's... never happened before, so of course I had to help you somehow."

"So that did happen, huh...". Edelgard seems to be mulling over the fact, most likely having a hard time trying to connect it to herself and not just sit back and watch it as if it's happening to a stranger.

Dimitri himself suddenly feels the need to reflect more on this aerial situation, to find some kind of rope to hold onto. So, the facts - Edelgard really did faint during training. If asked, he'd say it came out of the blue, of course it did, a fighter like her can only be be bested in miniscule moments, stabbed in the back by her own fatigue. 

The truth is, Edelgard had come to training that morning with her reflexes faded, her usual retorts diluted. Dimitri had noticed, unlike her classmates, the people she surrounded herself - she chose to surround herself; she chose them, not him - with, unlike anyone else.

He was only waiting for the alarm. And when it rang, with the thundering sound of the axe hitting the ground just before Edelgard's knees, Dimitri only had to let his charged muscles run him to her side - before anyone else.

His steps remained steady as he carried her to the infirmary, hopefully fortified by a standard sense of duty – the duty of a future king that would someday swear to always protect the people around him. But is there truly any reason to hope that was the case? He knows well that what he felt upon seeing Edelgard fall to her knees was little more than the worry of a powerless child pathetically trying to keep everyone around him safe.

And what he felt while holding her numb body was nowhere near honorable enough to have been born out of something as pure as “duty”.

A clipped sigh blocks his thoughts. It seems Edelgard has her own account of the events. "It was a disgraceful position to find myself into, that much is true. But I'll just have to train harder to avoid repeating such a grave mistake again."

"Shouldn't you be a little more forgiving of yourself?”, Dimitri voices this as neutrally as he can. It's hard, though, when an indeterminate bite is sticking on his head and throat like a wet cloth.

"I'm merely being realistic", Edelgard doesn't miss a beat, “I can't achieve what I have to do if something as insignificant as this stops me."

He can't understand what it is she has to do. He can't understand why it's so crucial to her, enough to make her forgo her own wellbeing. He can't understand her. He hates it.

"But it's not like that's anything for you to concern yourself about."

These offhand words, put in such a detached voice, are what finally deluge his head in skewed thoughts he can't possibly keep track of.

Of course, of course he is worried, why is that even up for discussion? It's just that, if you dug this worry deep enough, you'd find a misplaced, excited fuss – a hope that Edelgard's moment of weakness could restart the gears between them, that remained static in those years of childish innocence.

Instead, it's now yet another chance to be treated as gravel under the shoes of a person that once gifted him the best year of his life.

"Still, do you really need to be this hard on yourself? Nothing can possibly be this important - "

Even before he's cut off by Edelgard, Dimitri knows he should have asked what that important thing is, instead of taking it as a given that it doesn't exist. Still, convincing himself that there would be no answer even if he'd asked that, or rather answering his own question, makes it possible for his mind to get cleansed, if even for a moment, by some form of weak, self-served analgesia.

"And why exactly do you assume this, Dimitri?"

Edelgard's sharp retort, blighted by obvious offense, falls over Dimitri with the edge of a guillotine. Its momentum leaves him with an aftertaste both bitter and sour – being ashamed of himself for bringing her to this point comes like a reflex, but - 

The sourness is unexpected. Dimitri is still trying to find how the dam inside him broke and let this marred feeling flow, when he realizes that seeing Edelgard clearly dismayed by her outburst made him feel vindicated – just a bit more important in her eyes.

"... I apologize. I really spoke out of line", Edelgard keeps her face just a bit lower than usual as she whispers her words.

Yes, yes you did, Dimitri wants to snap back at her apology. These are not words you're supposed to say to a friend, and that's what Dimitri is to her, right?

Right?

No, no she didn't, he corrects – he has to. She's tired, she needs help and understanding, and he won't let his own tart saliva spill.

So, "it's fine”, he says instead, and he doesn't know if the words are supposed to pacify Edelgard or himself.

For the next few moments, that pass as if congealed in time, she remains in the sickly bed, he on the creaking chair. Out the window, the sun seems to slowly start going down, and Dimitri somehow itches to pause it. If he could prolong the time he spends alone with Edelgard that way, then - 

What for? , his mind petulantly barks. With that same callowness, it forces his attention on something he's been avoiding: He wanted to get something out of this secluded time with Edelgard. He didn't get it. He's disappointed.

“... I should go. I don't want to bother you like this any longer”. Dimitri swears he said the last part out of honest concern. The faint pettiness in the underside of his voice claims otherwise.

“Alright. See you around, Dimitri.”

Edelgard's voice in Dimitri's ears drips hesitation as she says this. Amongst the crumbling walls of the infirmary, the words instead resound as dry as they come.

“Yes, see you around, Edelgard.”

As he leaves the rusty chair and moves to the door, the corner of his eye catches on the glint of the dagger. It seemed appeasing as it reflected in his hands, but from afar, next to Edelgard's impenetrable frame, it suddenly looks hostile. Dimitri closes the door and wills himself not to worry as he shows his back to what feels like an unseen enemy.

**Author's Note:**

> GOD dialogue is so hard for me that even writing these few lines was like pulling teeth for me. still... a small price to pay for dimigard


End file.
